Oh, crap!
by morganaandweed
Summary: Major swearage. No slash...quite yet.....Everyone's favorite elf and *cajun* vampiress fall into Anime Japan and meet up with Sano and Kenshin...with lots of PMS and attitude.FIRST 5 REVIEWERS (other than us) GET A COOKIE!! *holds out plate of cookies*
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: In fact, we DO own Sano and Kenshin. But no body knows it. Shhhh. We ARE the makers of Kenshin and they DO exist. Surprise surprise, girlies and boys. And Morgana aka Loulie is the Queen of Vampires. Ithraelynn, also known as Weed or the highly infamous "Nurple", owns a lotta crap. So deal. (We're not psychos just own irresistable dry senses of humor. We are also hella-good writers. Heehee.) We do, in truth, own a band called "The Coven of...lordoftheringsisthebestmovieever". Check us out. Cross between Nightwish and Otep. If you don't know em, you suck. And thats sad. OK! We'll,um..start now!!!!  
  
~Chapter One~  
  
The one known as Sanosuke, with infallible tall hair, paced around the dojo restlessly. Meanwhile,not in Anime Japan,Ithraelynn, an elf who is known for her sense of humor, beauty, and skills as far as horses and swords go, fingered her blonde locks idly. Her best friend, Morgana, full cajun vampiress, who is trained very well in voodoo and other forms of black magic, including Santaria, balked from the sunlight. Her long, luscious reddish black hair danced in the shade and was in danger of becoming entangled of her quiver. She was low on energy. Her eyes, which were normally an unnatural and intriguing olive green, glowed an irridescent yellow and black as she hissed.  
  
"Fuck sunlight!" Growled Morgana to Ithraelynn, leaning against a pillar added onto their mansion in Finland. She twirled and her Reneissance velvet dress swirled around her gracefully. She sang Sleeping Sun by (yes,yes...she kin do that, or she will kill...) Nightwish.  
  
"Fine, go inside, Jesus Mother of Christ Mary," sighed Ith, out of pure habit. She glared from her horse as Morgana beckoned one of their many pandas, this particular one called LingLing in for dindin. (Robin Williams will do that to ya.)  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kenshin Hemura swung his Reverse-blade sword into its sheath, looking out from glistening red hair. Not attempting to brush it back, he ran back to Kaoru's dojo in some unkown panic. Sano glanced up as the former Battousai came running in.   
  
"In a rush?" He teased, grinning crookedly.  
  
"No, that I'm not," he replied, making an I'm-not-in-the-mood face.  
  
"Fine, be as serious as hell," said Sano as he took another swig of his beloved Sake. He blinked rather blearily and stumbled backwards as a scene hit him, like a movie playing behind his eyes (complete with credits..."introduced by Morgana and Weed"....^_^). He saw a blonde-haired, blue eyed woman, shorter than he with pointed ears and a strange ethereal aura about her. Also short, was a reddish black haired woman with pointed teeth and pale skin, a red velvet dress around her. She seemed strongly sarcastic and weird, by her body language. The blonde haired woman was very rare in Japan, and he raised his eyebrows in appeal. She was beautiful. The reddish black haired one, frankly, scared him.  
  
"Sano? Are you alright?"  
  
"Wha? Yeah.....I spose so. I need more Sake.." he mumbled as the Sekihoutai stumbled into the dojo and promptly passed out.  
  
"He needs less Sake, that he does," laughed Kenshin.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What the hell?!!!!!!!!" Ith cried, kicking the ground in anger.   
  
"Calm down...Christ," laughed Morgana,"mood swings, mood swings."  
  
"It was probably your fucking voodoo that fouled my sword!"  
  
"So what if it was? Maybe...maybe not. Don't jump to conclusions."  
  
The elf threw her sword on the ground and limped back inside. She had stuck herself in the leg after being frightened by a strange vision. She had been with a dark, tall haired men who had a red headband, and a red, long haired man in petite form with a sword. Morgana had been with her in one of her most sarcastic poses. Her hip stuck out with a hand resting upon it. Ithraelynn almost burst out laughing. Morgana made her laugh like that. Perhaps she had known her too long.   
  
Morgana laughed to herself. "I love her like my sister, but she depends on that sword too much. She deserved it. Even though I don't know what the hex did to her."   
  
"I HEARD that!" cried the elf.  
  
Morgana snapped her fingers, conjuring something silently. "No, you didn't!!!" She merely shrugged and went back inside with LingLing. (Ah love pandas.)  
  
The next day, Morgana was in one of her mood swings. Ith bitched at her for no apparent reason, driving Morgie into a deep depression and anger.  
  
"Fuck this! I'm sick of this fucking shit! I don't care WHERE its takin me," beginning the first hand motions of an ancient spell, "but I am gettin the fuck out of here!" She began to swirl in a mist, and was nearly shrouded by it, when Ithraelynn grabbed her hand to stop her in haste when she tumbled through a tunnel of time along with her best friend. The vampire and elf slammed into a tree canopy.  
  
"Where the hell are we? This is hella weird!" Exclaimed the friends in unison, looking around wildly. As they scanned the surroundings, Ith's eyes widened.  
  
"This looks like bloody Japan, but...not."  
  
"What what?"  
  
"Like..Japan, but readjusted. Weird."  
  
"I would say you've been to Japan?" Morgie fixed her dress and leapt down from the tree, eager to take action to something that made no sense. "I'm hungry. Let's go find some locals," She shook the dirt off of her black boots, dusting them off.  
  
"You and your damn voodoo," moaned Ith, running her fingers through her hair.  
  
"You and your damn sword. You aren't the only one thats good at it. I'm good at it too."  
  
"Touche," she laughed, and headed down the road. As she jogged a small distance behind Morgie, who was running with god-like speed (don't forget shes a vampire!) they came in the midst of a village. Night had befallen, and Morgana was wandering aimlessly, searching for a loner, for someone, while she was singing, as always.  
  
"Little too dodgy for my taste," complained the elf, rubbing her arms in the bitter cold, "and I'm cold."  
  
"Deal with it. I'm cold too," hissed the vampire, annoyed at her low energy.  
  
Suddenly, a small group of men swaggered out of The Okabeko (spellin.), smelling of Sake and laughing drunkenly.  
  
"Watch out.." whispered Ith, grabbing Morgie's arm hastily.  
  
"Pu...we're immortal..screw them. And I'm hungry," she leapt out of the shadows "I FOUND DINNER!" grabbing two of them by the neck, digging long nails into their faces. Then, a flash of metal gleamed in her eyes as a bright red-haired man with a cross shaped scar looked down at her.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" she said, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow, dropping the drunks. They clambered away in fright. "Dinner's running away!" she mocked, "where were you for all this crap?"  
  
"You speak strangely, that you do, but I do not wish to fight a woman as fair as yourself," the man spoke irritatingly calmly, and she felt like hitting him.   
  
"Thank you for the compliment, but, you scared my meal away. Damn," she said, swinging her arm back as Ithraelynn caught it.  
  
"He hasn't hurt us," she whispered in her ear, as an unnaturally tall man strode up behind the scar-cheeked man with sword.  
  
"These ladies givin you trouble? I'll handle em*hic* for ya," spoke the man in a deep voice, grinning.  
  
"I suppose a drunken idiot like yourself could so much as raise your finger. And, since you don't carry weapons you are a fist-fighter. Meaning, we would be able to take a jog around around this city before you finished your swing, mortal," growled the elf.  
  
"Yeah, you freaking slow mortal. I haven't fed in days. Even weak I can kick your ass. Thanks to Marie Levaux," sneered the vampiress, clenching her fists.  
  
The tall man laughed and crossed his arms. "I, Sanosuke Sagara would not-"  
  
"Save your self riteous crap for someone who cares you tall man bitch," Morgie said,"I think you just became my dinner."  
  
"He's not worth the kill. He's to tall....all sinew, no good energy. Waste of hormones and blood," the elf snubbed him, but, in reality, she thought he was handsome and he was the man from her premonition.  
  
"Oro?" Spoke the other man in confusion.  
  
Morgana looked over to him, still being held back by Ithraelynn, and laughed. "You still haven't answered my question. Who..the...HELL...are you???!"  
  
"Ke-K-enshin, ma'am."  
  
"Don't be afraid. I probably won't bite. Unless you make me angry...."  
  
The two men gulped, and, reluctantly, felt the need to offer the two strange women a place to stay. "The missy's dojo has plenty a room if ya need it...um..."  
  
"Ithraelynn,elf, Morgana, Cajun (had to put that in...) Vampiress."  
  
"Ah. I see."  
  
"I guess we DO need a place to stay," Ith debated, chewing on her lower lip and looking at Morgana for a decision.  
  
"I'm still hungry."  
  
The one known as Sano laughed. "The missy's cooking will dissapoint you,"  
  
"Is it grade A blood? Fresh?" Asked the vamp hopefully.  
  
"I'm afraid not," replied Kenshin, quite perturbed.  
  
"Okay!" She skipped away merrily, returning moments later with blood on her face, wiping it off.  
  
"Yeah....we'll stay..." said the elf, shifting back and forth.   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
MUEE!!!! You like?????? If not, we'll hate you forever. Since we're evrywhere.....thats not good! AI SHITERU!! and dun worry about lingling, shes fine. the finns are takin care of her *wink* 


	2. Chappie Two We're still here

Chappie TWO!!!!!  
  
We're still here...we wuff you.....unless you dont like our story we dont but still review...... pwease.....*tries to hide desperation* We're review hungry chaps in Ethiopia....feeeeeeeeed us.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sano glanced quickly away from the blood on Morgana's face and coughed. Kenshin didn't turn away, but simply smiled.   
  
"Yes, let us go to the Kamiya dojo, that we should," he said as he jogged off into the distance.  
  
"No more running, god damn it," whined Ithraelynn, rolling her eyes and cursing in Finnish to herself.  
  
"Stop yer whining. Shut up," snapped Morgana, keeping up with Kenshin.Sano stayed besides Ithraelynn, however, and took in her long blonde hair, blue eyes and pale complexion.  
  
"You're not from here, are you?"  
  
"No, really, genius. I'm not from Japan. I don't really look it, do I?"  
  
"Jus askin.."  
  
"Are you this dumb when you're sober, too?"  
  
"Maybe," teased the the man.  
  
"Maybe...what?"  
  
"If you get to know me better."  
  
"You're stupid," at this, Morgie turned around and grinned.  
  
"Thats the spirit!" She laughed, slowing and waiting for her friend and the drunk. Ith yanked the Sake out of his hand and threw it over a fence, dusting off her hands.  
  
"Whadja do that for??!!!" Cried the vamp,"that was perfectly good booze. Christ!" She suddenly slammed into a fence and swore, jumping back up and dusting herself off.  
  
Kenshin, who had been walking and thinking through all this, looked at the woman in concern.  
  
"Are you alright??" He spoke, furrowing his brows.  
  
"Fine and dandy, thank ya much,"  
  
"She always does that. Don't worry."  
  
"Well....we're here. The missy's dojo," interrupted Sano, opening the rice paper door.  
  
The two women walked through it, as it ripped.   
  
"What the hell? What kind of security is this? Get a pocket knife and slice right into this place. Totally absurd," exclaimed Morgie, poking it in curiousity.  
  
"Too right," agreed the elf.  
  
"WHO ARE THESE WOMEN???!!!!" Howled a voice, and a bokken came flying out of them. Ithraelynn caught it easily, and examined it.  
  
"We are not mere women. Immortals, if you please. Temper temper temper. Rage is bad for your skin, girlie. No wonder if you have so many wrinkles and are so young," said the elf, throwing the bokken over her shoulder.  
  
"Nice stick. Is it yours? Can you not handle a real one?" Sneered Morgie, drawing her friends sword and twirling it through her hands, tossing it back to its owner, who whipped it around and sliced off a small amount of hair from the enraged woman. Resheathing the sword, the two friends grinned. The white teeth flashed dangerously.  
  
"The Kamiya Kashin Style is that of a great one! Teaching discipline-"  
  
"We really don't care....either you can wield a sword or ya can't,"   
  
"Where are YOU from to learn how to use a sword," growled the bristling Japanese woman, gritting her teeth.  
  
"From a better place than THIS little garage of a house. Whats a dooooo-joooo? Is it like voodoo? I like voodoo. Wanna see some voodoo?" she trailed off.  
  
"A dojo is a big empty room, I think. How...impressive. A bed and a kitchen. Wow," said Ithraelynn, brushing a finger against the side of the wood, "at least the environment's pleasant," the vampire licked her chops and said "and the men are easy. Its like a feast. All the time."  
  
"Tell me about it."  
  
"What are you talkin bout? You don't know."  
  
Kenshin then cut in."Arguing is not good, that it isn't. Calm down, both of you. And Kaoru, they are just friends."  
  
"Or more..." muttered the drunk Sano, waggling his eyebrows.  
  
"What what? I don't get it. I think we should leave and look for some food, Morgie. Like second breakfast!" (LOTR blurb. Couldnt help ourselves. Muee!)  
  
"NO! It isn't safe," said Kenshin, jumping in front of them.  
  
"Thank ya for caring. No body ever cares bout me," Morgie sniffled, tears welling in her eyes.  
  
"We only have the Finns to take care of us. And LingLing," sobbed the elf, tears running down her cheeks.  
  
"I MISS LINGLING!!!" They cried in unison, hugging each other and falling to the ground.  
  
"What is 'LingLing'," questioned Sano, trying to focus.  
  
"The best panda ever, you stupid cretin. What the hell is wrong with you?Can't you see LingLing is the most important thing besides us to us?" The vampiress backhanded the overly tall man, and pulled Ithraelynn up.  
  
"Let's go. We're not wanted," snuffled the elf, spinning on her heel and beginning to stomp away.  
  
"It's NOT SAFE! Didn't you hear Kenshin? Even if the Missy's annoying, deal with her," cried Sano.  
  
"Okay. Who the HELL is the Missy? Jesus!!!!!!" The immortals questioned.  
  
"Kaoru."  
  
"Ah. I see."  
  
"We'll...um..stay then. Among this temper prone mortal woman. I guess."  
  
"Good!" The two men said.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Short, but, our mummies n daddies (maws and paws) were a talkin for an hour bout random crap...muee! Still goin no where. We love pointless stories. 


End file.
